Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
