Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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