it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
