at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
