I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pants are for mortals
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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