We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
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Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We are all done wearing pants today
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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