sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
