tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
