non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
