No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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