I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am available for nakedness
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
