dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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