Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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