They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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