Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
