Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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