i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
