You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
