This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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