my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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