apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
