i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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