You made me cry and you don't even care
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
