did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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