and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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