no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You can't just leave with hair like that
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
