I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
