Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
