I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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