It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
