im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
