We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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