dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I need moral support for this bender
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
