His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
