I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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