how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
