Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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