You're so nebulous sometimes
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
