that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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