that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
