I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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