Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize