I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
