I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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