So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
