twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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