The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
