Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
