like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
