I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm always down for nudity.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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