I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
