remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
