So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have tasted many bathrooms
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
