so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
