I need help removing her.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
