He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize