have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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