....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
