he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
