so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
