whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
