Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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