She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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