I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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