6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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