Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
