Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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