Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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