He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
