They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
