JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
