when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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