i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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