I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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