the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
