I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
we're so committed to being not committed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
