We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
