you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
