i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
