I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
